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Sex and the city: The Day I Ended Up In a Couple-Exchange Sauna in London

Clelia Mattana BLOG, ENGLAND, EUROPE, FUN CORNER 152 Comments

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HOW A RELAXING DAY TURNED OUT TO BE MY PERSONAL NIGHTMARE

WARNING: this read is for an adult audience only (sort of!)


In more than 20 years living abroad, I saw a few interesting things, but the story I’m about to tell you will beat them all.


Premise: I’m the most reserved person you’ll ever meet. The only time I dared being topless on a beach was at age 17. My cousin promised me 100 euros if I was brave enough to walk out of the water Au nature.


It was horrible.


I lasted 15 seconds and I ended up running to my towel, with my hands trying to cover the shame. Given the premises, how in hell I ended up in a nudist-sex-whatever Sauna? The short answer is: because I’m totally, utterly naïve!


Longer answer: A typical Saturday night in London. Bored as hell, I decided to join a friend to a sauna birthday party. The day before my friend was almost run over by a car. The guy pull over to make sure she was Ok. After chatting for a few minutes, he asked her to join him to a Sauna party.


Fast forward to the weekend: I put a bikini and a towel in my bag and meet her at the tube station. Destination: a mysterious SPA called “Rio’s” in Kentish Town London.

 


 

 

THE SAUNA

Rios-Kentish-Town

 


I was fooled into it, as the entrance and the changing rooms had nothing suspicious in them. Really nice, clean place. A big room with a maxi screen streaming the Wimbledon’s semi-finals and 10 beach beds, where a few people, wrapped in towels, were relaxing.


Then we enter the bar: It was like someone had just pushed me into an ice cold pool without any warning.


The bartenders were two flashy topless girls. I discovered soon enough that they were actually naked, but the bar covered this detail.


Not only were they topless, but they also looked like porno stars. I was puzzled. I laughed nervously and glanced at my friend. She was clearly as surprised as I was. Everyone in the room was naked. I started hyperventilating. I didn’t know what to think. The only clear thought I had at this point was: not a chance I’m taking my bikini off!


You will never see me naked!!

You will never see me naked!!


We didn’t dare to ask the two guys anything about it, they were still acting normally, as we were in a bar in central London, with fully dressed people and businessmen all around.


It’s one of those moments when you sense something is not quite right but you just stay there as a broccoli plant.


After sipping a glass of water (no, thanks,I’m not drinking wine and getting drunk in here) we entered the Spa: 2 big Jacuzzi, 1 swimming pool, 2 saunas and showers. Nothing special was going on. There were a few naked couples inside the pool but they were relaxing and talking normally.


I started thinking that maybe I was over reacting to the whole nudity thing. I chose an almost empty Jacuzzi and forgot about all the madness. Nobody asked me to take my bikini off after all. I felt safe. I just noticed a few sneaky looks, but I didn’t really pay attention. I closed my eyes and let the bubbles do their job.


When I re-opened them, a few minutes later, I deeply regret it.



THE SEX MADNESS

ndkf

 


The couple in front of me was clearly engaged in a dirty underwater game of hands. I could see the guy getting busy down there, and the satisfied face of the woman confirmed what was already too obvious.They weren’t even trying to cover their action, on the opposite, they were glad that anyone could see.


She must have seen me staring at her, as she smiled ad blinked at me a few times. I started getting more and more uncomfortable, and I turned my head around.


Something similar was going on in the pool beside mine, where a woman was kissing her husband? (not sure of anything at this point) whilst groping another guy under water.


OK, I had seen enough. I was now sure that this was a “special night”. I honestly didn’t even know that such things could happen in a SPA. But there I was, in the middle of some groping sexual paradise!


So what I was supposed to do now? run away as fast as possible? stay? call mommy?! I was curious so I decided to stay and see how far this could go. As long as It wasn’t involving me.


Most of the people in the sauna assumed that, being there, we were also part of the game. I didn’t consider this detail, as I was too busy trying to understand what was going on. I left the pool and went searching for my friend who had disappeared in the meantime.


I entered an empty sauna and tried to relax a bit, but all I did was laughing at myself for the whole situation. I went back to the pools when it was already 8 pm. Most of the people were gone (probably upstairs, where they had special “massage rooms”). The Jacuzzi were empty and I sneaked into one, hoping to be left alone.


That didn’t last long. A young couple came in. They were wearing a swimsuit so I thought that maybe they were there by accident, just like me.


How naïve! After 5 minutes I felt a hand touching me very inappropriately. The guy was smiling at me and rubbing his hand between my legs. I was about to slap him, but considering the situation, I refrained myself and gave him a killer look. I took his hand and put it back where it belonged, as I wanted to make clear that I wasn’t part of the game. At all.


bxxk


He thought I was playing hard to get, in some sort of exciting raping game, and he had another go at me. That was enough.


I rushed out of the pool, leaving the couple giggling and clearly making fun of me, I finally found my friend, grabbed her arm and left that place for good.


On my way back home, thinking about all I saw, I started laughing. I just couldn’t believe that a relaxing Saturday afternoon just turned into that embarrassing sexy experience. It was funny to realize how naïve I still was in my thirties. I felt such an amateur!


I don’t think I will be going to another place like that ever again. I’m glad that people who want to try such things have the right places to go, but I’m an old repressed nun (or so I’ve been called in some of the comments below) and proud of that.


In the end, I was glad that I decided to stay and discovered this whole “new world”. Plus, the story has now become one of my friend’s favorite travel tales. Those pervs! 😉


Did something similar ever happened to you? What would you have done if you were in the same situation?But most importantly: I’m the only naïve person who didn’t know about these places?

 

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George

And you haven t even been to the privat room.

Donk

Cleliteris..I understood your meaning..it’s so channeling your inner Carrie..haha the way you write your blag makes me feel like I’m Carrie getting up to all sorts of mischief in the city hehe. But sadly Carrie you are not and certainly not bushnell. If your blag was today I’m going to an adult spa, at rios and it’s blah blah. Fine, love it hate it your opinion. But to be so stupid and not know what you were going to makes for neither entertaining reading or useful feedback. Anyway..my real reason for replying was to say hi to Denise..you two sound… Read more »

Kev G

You sound very uptight & angry while being intolerant of her experience. It was what it was & she was observing and not judging…you should try being so open-minded yourself!!

michael

sounds like fun ,would love to go as a 1st timer,Im an Australian guy visiting London any females like to join me ? I dont expect sex just come along one night as a couple maybe ,any takers ??
michael

Terry

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Thanks everyone! and have a wonderful year ahead…

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leep

I don’t think I would want to frquent one of these types of places as, I think the gay saunas in London are just basically gay whore* houses for gay men to go and get drugged up and have noholds barred sex which , in my opinion is quite sad because I think it’s depraved and sick and these people simply have something deep seated that they are trying to escape from.

DENISE DAVIES

Me and my bf go to Rio’s all the time !. And we have fun there . We have never had one bad day there. The problem was not really the spa the problem is the way you had taken coming to the place before hand! . In your head you had already demonised the place before walking in the DOOR!. I mean what chance did the place stand. You have to understand that when you go into a place like Rio’s you have to be able to have a relaxed attitude on thing’s . If someone touches you just… Read more »

Kevin broad

Hi just to say I think it’s a cosy place. Although obviously sometimes u get the odd dodgy man but as broke myself I like to think I respect others privacy. Love the relaxing warm steam rooms and baths. I go on my own but I’m used to it. Don’t go as much as I’d like. But overall I’m glad we have places like rios.

Daisy Duck

I didn’t even know such prudish and boring people exist. I was shocked for my life when I read the article. How naive of me to just assume everyone is fun, tolerate and inquisitive.

After all just another fake story to get attention…

And regarding Americans from the comments who are shocked, pretty hard to understand how a nation can be so uptight about sex and sell weapons in wall mart and not to forget elect trump as president

[…] Disclaimer: I NEVER, EVER go topless, I’m pathologically reserved, as this other article  I wrote a while ago can attest. To let you understand the shame I felt at that moment, pick your […]

Ric Sullivan

Kle, I have been to Rios several times at different times of the day and possibly a Saturday evening it would live up to its reputation! I haven’t seen the things you have but then I’m one of the oversupply of men even tho I go to enjoy the clothes free aspect of the place May I suggest (if you wish to try a similar experience) you make your way to Alexandra Palace where there’s a smaller but genuine naturist spa now called Naked Hands Spa formerly Elixir Health Club. I think you will leave there relaxed & with a… Read more »

Kevin

Love to go but need someone to go with who’s very confident to drag me in cos I’m very shy! Once I’ve been once I’d probably go again after I had the feel of the place !!

Fede

Why, in 2016, no one bother to google the name of a place looking for reviews before to go blindly to a party. Rio’s is quite famous as one of the Place in the swinging scene in London.

Jennifer

Hey I stumbled across your blog earlier & I am sitting her laughing so hard!!! Your reaction is EXACTLY how I would have reacted. (and yes I am American) I figured I need to say that based on the comments!

This story is hilarious and just proof that you never know what you are going to get on your travels.

Thanks and I can’t wait to read more of your blog.

Mr. Know It All

Pretty amusing article. Having traveled pretty extensively, I have only found a few places where a public, co-ed nude sauna is a normal thing—Finland’s saunas and San Francisco’s Russian banyas (e.g. Archimedes) come to mind. I find it’s like any repression—in the cultures where nudity is no big deal, nothing too seedy or sexual is usually going on. But if you’re in some place like England, it’s probably devolved into some sort of fringe swinger / sex party. I prefer the former—to feel free and enjoy the extreme climates, truly let my skin breathe. And yes, if there are attractive… Read more »

Patrizia

Hilarious! Can’t believe all the negative comments from frustrated men who obviously were looking for porn! Love all your answers and you somehow manage to keep it classy. Simply amazing!

james

I’m a guy and on the rare occasion I quite like going. I booked a massage once and I’m not sure whether I was supposed to pay more to the lady who massaged me and I say that because the first 15 minutes of the massage was fine. I was lying on my front, she did not put a towel over me, but considering it’s a naturist place I didn’t think anything of it although it did feel a bit strange because of being massaged in a room away from other naturists. Anyway she was massaging my thighs and as… Read more »

Anyone want to go to a sauna tonight?????

Daniela

If a guy in any town in the world (including in Finland) nearly ran me over and then invited me for a “sauna party” I have no idea what else to expect than what happened.

jane

We love Rios
(email deleted: this is not an article to meet new people, please refrain from posting your email and telephone number. Thank you)

Smith

i was today in Rio’s, i like that place very nice ambiance

Lee

I was in London 2 years ago, with some time to kill… took the tube to Kentish town… went to Rios, but chickened out last minute… I am a male…. sorry now that I did not go ahead in

carlo

i love reading the comments…i enjoyed it…hahaha.i just can imagine…

Paolo

Hello, I am an Italian man of 50 years, very attractive tanned and clean, physically muscular and I love going to relax in some spa, I see that you speak very well of this name is that Rio and next week (from November 16 to November 20) I want go there every afternoon at 6 pm I will be there at the club Rio to see what the situation is. I hope to find some single women or couples to spend an afternoon of relaxation and fun talking and meeting people, and also something more if possible but not required.… Read more »

Hello there Clelia. This post is super funny. And the comments even make me laugh harder. I used to live in Finland, where being naked in the sauna is the norm. When I move away, I realize that if the sauna welcomes nudity, there is something shady about it. I am still smiling to the end of this comment. Thanks for sharing the experience.

gordon stimson

I went with a female friend a few years ago. Nothing happened we just relaxed and had a chat.
It was great we could do that as friends. I had a massive erection but wasn’t bothered.

James

I went to rios recently after plucking up the courage for quite some time. I’m a guy and felt a bit paranoid going in for the first time. I kept my towel on for ages, firstly because I was nervous and secondly because I was almost constantly turned on. I went into the sauna when there was no one else in there and took the towel off and lay down, but as soon as I did a woman came in and literally sat next to me leaning all over me and said quite openly, “My back’s feeling a bit stiff… Read more »

Soozi

as an ex employee I can assure you nobody at the bar works fully nude, I was told to always wear my sarong/wrap.

Akif

I’m a gay man and my female friend (straight) wants to go to rio’s for her birthday my question would be is there anything there for me? I’ve been to gay saunas before and I’m not body beautiful but I love who I am, but I’m thinking this might be the worst night of my life if I go lol

[…] I had scorpions crawling on my legs in Thailand. I was covered in pigeon excrement when sleeping on a bench in Piazza Santa Croce in Florence. I was kidnapped by a crazy taxi driver in London (this is only funny as it has a happy ending). And let’s not forget the most popular funny article on my website: The day I ended up in a sex sauna in London! […]

dafd

don’t be a prude. just because you didn’t have fun didn’t mean you had to kill it for your friend

jane692012

i love fxxing in saunas and my hubby loves watching
EMAIL REMOVED BY ADMIN.

VANST

Hi there..sorry for my english…..so i am interesting to go on this plase…..so i am a man 26 y old straight :)….my question is….can i find some girl there for sex or is it some special girls who just waiting for some mans and they offer sex… ? thanks !

[…] of the comment section, at the end of Clelia’s post “sex and the city”: That’s a classy […]

Darren

Im a single man and went to Rios on a Wednesday night I was in the pool and a couple came in and sat next to me and in seconds the lady started to maturbate me! So it goes both ways, I was shocked but can’t lie I enjoyed it. Later I went into a steam room that was packed by men? Found out why 2 woman were laying naked on the side letting the men grope them and touch them all over..one of the women was the one from the pool earlier, i tried to shock her when see… Read more »

duncan betts

Hi there all just read your review I’m a guy in to naturist but not in to all the voyeury I went to rios .kentish town on a week daty for the first time I. Had heard bad and good about that place I had no problems at all I will go again
But I was in formed Saturday is couples only

Michael

Why don’t you just tell the truth? I bet you were dying to say yes. You fucking prude.

EC

thank you for sharing your experience and it’s sad some people feel the desperate need to try and insult someone who has taken the time to share their experience and try to force their own narrow minded thoughts upon you. Good on you for being open minded and brave enough to share what happened. Don’t stop blogging because of the few morons that exist. I stumbled across your article after I was searching for a genuine, no nonsense sauna experience in London. I am by no means prudish, naive or closed minded… I’m a male, why would I be?! However… Read more »

Artur

Clelia, I’m suprised that that the environment was so pushy on you getting engaged with them. I was in Rios twice also not knowing exacly for the first time how this place looks like and how it is, but I haen’t noticed such pushy behaviour. I see that some people are looking for privacy in seperete massage rooms but in gerenal I haven’t seen people doing it in front others openly. In gerenal athmosphere was good. Accoring to the page of Rios http://www.rios.co.uk/specialevents.htm – n Saturday thare are couple only days. and Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday are Strictly Naturist Nights.… Read more »

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! This is funny. Very funny. And as I sit here explaining my smiling face and shock to my girlfriend sat in front of me, she’s like, “yeah, of course those places exists”…. ok then. Learn something new about someone everyday! She is from London I guess. Really enjoyed reading this. And the negative comments, they are almost as funny. Morons. It is much more attractive to meet a girl who respects the privacy of her body than to parade it around for guys with limited bandwidth. Question though – was the guy who invited your friend there present? How… Read more »