Sex and the city: The Day I Ended Up In a Couple-Exchange Sauna in London

Clelia Mattana BLOG, ENGLAND, EUROPE, FUN CORNER 152 Comments



WARNING: this read is for an adult audience only (sort of!)

In more than 20 years living abroad, I saw a few interesting things, but the story I’m about to tell you will beat them all.

Premise: I’m the most reserved person you’ll ever meet. The only time I dared being topless on a beach was at age 17. My cousin promised me 100 euros if I was brave enough to walk out of the water Au nature.

It was horrible.

I lasted 15 seconds and I ended up running to my towel, with my hands trying to cover the shame. Given the premises, how in hell I ended up in a nudist-sex-whatever Sauna? The short answer is: because I’m totally, utterly naïve!

Longer answer: A typical Saturday night in London. Bored as hell, I decided to join a friend to a sauna birthday party. The day before my friend was almost run over by a car. The guy pull over to make sure she was Ok. After chatting for a few minutes, he asked her to join him to a Sauna party.

Fast forward to the weekend: I put a bikini and a towel in my bag and meet her at the tube station. Destination: a mysterious SPA called „Rio’s“ in Kentish Town London.







I was fooled into it, as the entrance and the changing rooms had nothing suspicious in them. Really nice, clean place. A big room with a maxi screen streaming the Wimbledon’s semi-finals and 10 beach beds, where a few people, wrapped in towels, were relaxing.

Then we enter the bar: It was like someone had just pushed me into an ice cold pool without any warning.

The bartenders were two flashy topless girls. I discovered soon enough that they were actually naked, but the bar covered this detail.

Not only were they topless, but they also looked like porno stars. I was puzzled. I laughed nervously and glanced at my friend. She was clearly as surprised as I was. Everyone in the room was naked. I started hyperventilating. I didn’t know what to think. The only clear thought I had at this point was: not a chance I’m taking my bikini off!

You will never see me naked!!

You will never see me naked!!

We didn’t dare to ask the two guys anything about it, they were still acting normally, as we were in a bar in central London, with fully dressed people and businessmen all around.

It’s one of those moments when you sense something is not quite right but you just stay there as a broccoli plant.

After sipping a glass of water (no, thanks,I’m not drinking wine and getting drunk in here) we entered the Spa: 2 big Jacuzzi, 1 swimming pool, 2 saunas and showers. Nothing special was going on. There were a few naked couples inside the pool but they were relaxing and talking normally.

I started thinking that maybe I was over reacting to the whole nudity thing. I chose an almost empty Jacuzzi and forgot about all the madness. Nobody asked me to take my bikini off after all. I felt safe. I just noticed a few sneaky looks, but I didn’t really pay attention. I closed my eyes and let the bubbles do their job.

When I re-opened them, a few minutes later, I deeply regret it.




The couple in front of me was clearly engaged in a dirty underwater game of hands. I could see the guy getting busy down there, and the satisfied face of the woman confirmed what was already too obvious.They weren’t even trying to cover their action, on the opposite, they were glad that anyone could see.

She must have seen me staring at her, as she smiled ad blinked at me a few times. I started getting more and more uncomfortable, and I turned my head around.

Something similar was going on in the pool beside mine, where a woman was kissing her husband? (not sure of anything at this point) whilst groping another guy under water.

OK, I had seen enough. I was now sure that this was a „special night“. I honestly didn’t even know that such things could happen in a SPA. But there I was, in the middle of some groping sexual paradise!

So what I was supposed to do now? run away as fast as possible? stay? call mommy?! I was curious so I decided to stay and see how far this could go. As long as It wasn’t involving me.

Most of the people in the sauna assumed that, being there, we were also part of the game. I didn’t consider this detail, as I was too busy trying to understand what was going on. I left the pool and went searching for my friend who had disappeared in the meantime.

I entered an empty sauna and tried to relax a bit, but all I did was laughing at myself for the whole situation. I went back to the pools when it was already 8 pm. Most of the people were gone (probably upstairs, where they had special „massage rooms“). The Jacuzzi were empty and I sneaked into one, hoping to be left alone.

That didn’t last long. A young couple came in. They were wearing a swimsuit so I thought that maybe they were there by accident, just like me.

How naïve! After 5 minutes I felt a hand touching me very inappropriately. The guy was smiling at me and rubbing his hand between my legs. I was about to slap him, but considering the situation, I refrained myself and gave him a killer look. I took his hand and put it back where it belonged, as I wanted to make clear that I wasn’t part of the game. At all.


He thought I was playing hard to get, in some sort of exciting raping game, and he had another go at me. That was enough.

I rushed out of the pool, leaving the couple giggling and clearly making fun of me, I finally found my friend, grabbed her arm and left that place for good.

On my way back home, thinking about all I saw, I started laughing. I just couldn’t believe that a relaxing Saturday afternoon just turned into that embarrassing sexy experience. It was funny to realize how naïve I still was in my thirties. I felt such an amateur!

I don’t think I will be going to another place like that ever again. I’m glad that people who want to try such things have the right places to go, but I’m an old repressed nun (or so I’ve been called in some of the comments below) and proud of that.

In the end, I was glad that I decided to stay and discovered this whole „new world“. Plus, the story has now become one of my friend’s favorite travel tales. Those pervs! 😉

Did something similar ever happened to you? What would you have done if you were in the same situation?But most importantly: I’m the only naïve person who didn’t know about these places?


Read in: Englisch Italienisch

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