I’m no Alicia Keys here. I was on fire, that’s right. But I burned Out .
Sitting in my bed with my computer on the lap and a blank page to fill in front of me…and I feel a bit like this page:
There are so many ways to describe how I feel, but the ones that summarize it all are:
WHY I’M FEELING MISERABLE?
I find it almost impossible to put it down into words, but I’ll give it a try…I mean, I’m not really blank, there are million of words sitting on the back of my mind, but they are just floating there like little castaways searching for a shore that may not even exists.
Can a turmoil of emotions leave you speechless and with a totally confused mind? apparently it can…
I know that I should be writing really cheerful posts by now, and they will come I promise!! but right now , all I need is to clear my mind a bit about how i really feel about my upcoming trip and finally spit the “Ugly truth” out of my chest!
“THAT VERY SPECIAL MOMENT”
I’ve been planning this dream trip since early August, and it’s been quite a ride I can tell you!
In Every BIG decision of life, at first there is the enthusiasm phase: that very special moment in which something inside you just “clicks” and you know that there is no turning point after that: You took your decision and NOTHING can change that. And it doesn’t have to be necessarily a travel decision. It may apply when quitting your job, deciding to move to another country, getting married, having a child and so on..
Ever happened to you? I BET IT DID!
I don’t know you but when the “click” happens to me, it’s one of the most amazing/defining moment of my life! I live for moments like these.. That blowing energy running inside your veins, restlessness and excitement become your best friends and you truly feel that nothing can go wrong. It’s such an empowering sensation and it gives you the strength to face almost anything.
It’s When you know you are doing something RIGHT for your life
I actually had this sort of “illumination” in the past, generally linked to a very radical decision, mostly moving away from a country or completely changing my life in a way or another.
But the decision I took in August to leave everything behind me, including my job,moving out from London and using all my savings to travel the world ,has been absolutely #1 in terms of strong emotions.
“I HIT THE WALL”
Now, 1 month away from my departure, here’s how I feel. No polished truths:
I am bloody guilty for not being on top of the world! Shouldn’t I suppose to be totally excited and happy right now? damn YES I should!
After all I’m about to do what the 90% of population is only dreaming about doing.
Don’t get me wrong…I have NO DOUBTS about my decision. I know it’s the right one, and I’m not changing my mind in any way.
I just simply don’t feel like I am supposed to in these circumstances (and my mother constantly storming into my room,complaining that i spend all of my time in front of this computer is not helping with the guilt )
In the past months I did a lot of blog/travel websites reading, and one of my favourites is, no doubt, bootsnall, (if you don’t know it, please click on my link, it’s totally amazing!) I just LOVE their website and it’s been such an inspiration for me in the planning months! I don’t know how would I have planned so much and with such enthusiasm without their help..
Anyway,In one of their articles they wrote about a syndrome called “travel Burnout“ .
Back then I was quite surprised that such thing could even exist. I thought “oh this is just bullshit” how can you possibly be “burned out” when on the road on an amazing trip that most of the people just dream about? right??
Well I guess that my favourite website was right as usual! .
I now understand what they meant. Even during the most incredible experience, you can reach a point where you just “hit a wall”. And what they describe in the article is EXACTLY how I feel right now:
“You’re tired, discouraged, frustrated, and you wonder whether you should have just taken your brother-in-law’s job offer. You’ve been clotheslined by burnout. And it sucks”
With the difference that I’m experiencing this emotional status “pre-trip”, and I don’t think that this particular makes such a big difference after all. The Burnout is just a simple result of pushing myself too hard for too long.
POSITIVITY HERE I COME!!!
But enough with ranting about my bad feelings, I know why I’m like that and I can take action to beat this!
My sentiments at the moment are just due to the huge amount of stress i’ve been experiencing lately:
I now feel better about it, just being able to be honest and talk/write about it helps a lot.
And for the records…I’m not always like that of course
There are moments in which I realise what I’m going to do and I still can feel the adrenalin running into my veins, my face turning red and hot for the emotion and happiness!
I’ve also been in touch with many travel Bloggers lately, and they helped me realise that what I’m experiencing is frequent and has to be expected on some extent by the majority of the travellers. So I decided not to worry too much, go with the flow and see what happens next and where all this is taking me.
Honestly, being a bit of a Drama Queen, I’m almost glad that I’m having such an internal turmoil..it means that what I’m going to do is pretty important and life changing. And that’s exactly why I decided to take the chance and JUMP!
This is one of the consequences of making some risky decisions after all..
What about you guys? did you feel a bit lost/discouraged/scared just before your trip/marriage or whatever Big decision you took in your life?
What’s the best way to deal with it?!
Let me know your thoughts!